Life, Love, and Destruction: The Paradox of Our Existence

i'm still working through this topic, to be honest. it sounds straightforward in theory, makes perfect sense, but putting it into practice? that's a different story. we can only use our own experiences as a benchmark when trying to understand where someone else is coming from. But even knowing this, most of us still struggle to accept anything that doesn't align with our own perceptions or feelings.

i was fascinated by the human mind from an early age, and when i started learning about people with a completely different way of functioning, autistic individuals, it really hit me, the mind truly knows no bounds. its workings can vary dramatically from one person to the next. things like pain and other sensory inputs, sure, they might be similar, but how they affect us? that's as individual as the specific way each person's eyes and mind interpret their favorite color.

i was going to delve into one of those more complex feelings, like sorrow, but we'll get to that later. i thought of a better example, something that's closer to the raw experience of 'feeling' because it has a physical edge to it, hunger. i still remember my grandpa telling me, 'You don't know real hunger or thirst; you don't know what it's like to truly go hungry.'

right, so i have to be on the verge of starvation to know what 'real' hunger feels like? this feeling i've associated with hunger for years is suddenly not the real deal?hHmm, that's odd.

don't get me wrong, i think i understand what my grandpa was trying to say. he meant that people in the past faced different challenges, ones that were more immediate. if you were hungry and couldn't satisfy it, that was it for you. but i don't think invalidating someone's feelings is the ultimate way, there are certainly better ways to express that.

and there's something to that, appreciating what you have, whatever it might be. what's a semi-detached house to one person is another's beloved instrument to someone else. they might not have much in common, and they serve completely different purposes, but if you value them, they're similar in that way.

okay, let's move on to pain, specifically burning pain, the kind caused by heat. i think everyone knows the saying, 'the child won't stop until they've been burned once by the stove.' parents, what a silly bunch.

<parent> watch out, you're going to burn your hand on the hot plate.

<child in question> burn my hand? hmm, i've never done that. i don't know how that feels. that sounds dangerous, but also new and exciting. and they keep mentioning it so frequently, i think I have to experience it to grow up. and i also want to prove them right, they've been prophesying it for so long, it has to happen eventually.

and on that day, i learned the sensation of burning, and no, it wouldn't be the last time.

so, since we've covered two feelings intertwined with a physical state, let's delve into the more 'artificial' emotions. not to say they aren't real, but they aren't really based on a physical sensation.
depending on whose theory you subscribe to, it might all be physical anyway. after all, who truly knows where these damn things originate? a bit of a chicken-and-egg situation. do i become sad because i am becoming sad, or do i become sad because i want to be sad? but that's a bit too much for this blog.

i just checked, and i guess the term 'psychogenic feelings' describes it pretty well. they also used the word 'symptom' instead of 'feeling,' which i found a bit clinical. here, we'd need to differentiate a bit, because i think anger is somewhat different from hatred. anger sounds so direct, whereas hatred is more like 'transformed anger,' something more long-term, somehow.

so deep in the realm of feelings, i don't think my feeling of hatred has much in common with yours. i don't know what levels of 'hatred' you've already experienced. heck, even i can't really differentiate which person i hate the most. not to say i hate many people, but for the sake of the example. i mean, i do hate some, but that's a topic for another time.

so, we've talked about hate. what feeling comes next? exactly! L-O-V-E. isn't it beautiful? just the relationship between love and hate could provide content for endless discussions, but i'll spare you for now. we'd have to figure out: do i hate loving more than i love hating? maybe there's a connection there, a proportionality. i can see that.

i've been thinking about how love and hate, while seemingly opposite, might actually be two ends of the same emotional spectrum. imagine a scale: on the far left, you have intense love, the kind you feel for someone truly special. in the middle, you have neutrality, the feelings you have towards most people you encounter. then, on the far right, you have intense hate. it's as if these emotions are all variations of the same underlying feeling, just at different intensities. does that make sense?

and with this love-hate relationship, you begin to see the problem. when these intense feelings, now directly connected, extend further, things get quite murky. it's easy to see how the lines blur and the emotional landscape becomes incredibly complex

love, oh my love, what would i do without you?
i'd hate you if i could.

what is love? i mean, true love, not just 'being in love', the kind that endures long after the 'being in' left. i hope i don't sound naive, but it seems to me that life and love are intertwined.
whatever that elusive love is, i believe it's inextricably linked to life itself. and, of course, we all have firsthand experience of life, we're living it right now. we're experts in life, and, unfortunately, in its destruction.
we destroy something whose origins we don't even begin to comprehend

Regardless of its origin, it arrived on our planet. Did it ask for permission?

NO!! Therefore, we assert a right to destroy it.

to be continued...